My sister Mohini (Pyari Bahanji)It
It has been a sad beginning to 2017, when I got the news of sudden end of an era in the family with the fatal heart seizure of Pyari Bahanji. She was a model of fortitude and courage. Being immediately elder to me ,there would be a running turmoil for primacy in favours of goodies from our support structure, particularly from Lala, our grandfather. We would also quarrel ,make up ,quarrel again and make up again as a rebel that I was ,particularly at that age would not like her role fluctuating from a kid sister to big sister (which right fully she was by virtue of being around five years elder to me). But the intensity of filial love was so acute and so perineal that there was that one thought stream between three of us(we two plus Bahangashi) somewhere in our subconscious that we would get a telepathic feeling . I have personally experienced it but is too sacred to make it public.
We shifted to our new house at karannagar in 1937 spring when I was 5 year old. Jigri delivered PJ in August . Dedi had the command of the kitchen ,PBJ would help JiGri to raise the new baby ,his feed & sanitaries . Bahan Gashi was assigned the job of becoming a governess of Jayi saib who even at that age was a stormy petrel. She would feed ,dress, clean me & strictly monitor my pranks.she would recite counting in Kashmiri,then in Urdu & I got my oral count from Bahangashi's recitals. With the advent of autumn , both the sisters starting knitting woolen sweaters,caps,socks, gloves for the entire family with pure wool purchased in bulk from Govt.wool spinning mill,Srinagar. The
Closings of the chinks of the windows in ground floor and the second floor was done with the effort of one and all except dedi & jigri . I am amazed how my two sisters in never ending preoccupation of heavy work schedule would get time for sibling quarrels. One instance , l glaringly remember. There was a Tulsikrit Ramayana in our home from which Bhaigash would recite daily . One day the two sisters wanted to see how things would go with her that day ,so wanted to see the 'Prashan'. In their 'me first' tug of war, they ripped open the book from its seams .They were so scared that to avoid a punishment ,they put the damaged Ramayan in my Lap & shouted at the top of their voice,' haye,haye,jayan ho chotutmet chu Ramayan. I was shell shocked to speak anything and since the goods were found on me, nobody believed me.Later I would always blame them for making me the fall guy. In the winter of 1938, l got chilbanes on two feet and was treated with jenson liquid and sulpha ointment. The two sisters would be nursing me in shifts round the clock and prompted Bhaigash to promise to get me a green phaeton in spring for a ride. Like a simpleton ,I would always ask for the buggy when my pain was gone .I have both of them in their
youthful face vividly before my open eyes and can I ever forget their Love, affection ,and trust & more poignantly the pain in their eyes at my pain.
Comes 1939 and the world war which was not even worth a mention for us being bereft of any news having no access to a radio set or newspaper of the day as the paper when it came by post was just stale news. (It was only in 1954 when we got a Metz radio set.) The search for a groom for bahangashi,who was fourteen,started and after some time , she was engaged to Triakak( Prof. TN Raina) and marriage was solemnised in the late spring of 1940, when the guilder roses in our garden were in full bloom. That day re opened , the factor of the kid sister vs big sister syndrome and it continued to the day of her marriage in 1941 to Mohanji who in B sc final year ! That day I suddenly became the big brother in the family at the age of nine .They left for Burnpur ,Asansol,where Mohanji had joined the then Indian iron & steel industries after a BE.,metallurgy degree from BHU.
Those days a daughter- in - law had to go with an assortment of gifts cash,kind & fruit with chochi (Rotis)etc. A servant would accompany the girl of the family to her in- laws with the gifts.The girls brother or cousin would also go for proper presentations of
the cash and clothes & various fruits,& sweets etc with a note listing and costing with a proper abstract. I remember the delivery of the notes written in Urdu by Bhaigash on every big occasion ,be it a birthday , a religious occasion & to a child's mind,even at the drop of a hat. The list would have specific terms & definitions for each item as per social mores . Since l would feel a tearing rage , l would be seething on my return home . I had to share the custom at a later stage when I was an adult earner without any diffidence so as to shield my parents from any further difficulties.
As a child I was given to understand that it was our social obligation as we were ' kori wale'( ladki wale). In essence , it would indicate periodic goodies were donated for the satisfactory acceptance of the daughter of the house in her own household.The cruelest cut is that the most snide remarks & messages were mostly from the older ladies of the in- laws or their collaterals and even any neighbour . I saw all this first hand as l was not only a messenger boy for my elder two sisters but for my elder cousin Mangala Bamezai also. Being born and growing up in a non-web age, we were with limited horizons of imagination, but we had a greater measure of pure common sense. The basic reason for this belittling of our womenfolk those days was their lack of self support financially and the social stigma of being 'cast off'. These were the times my sisters,my wife,and my cousin Mangla pehnji had to survive & fight through.Nobody ,repeat none, can feel the pain and struggle they have gone through in spite of all the insight we might have.I have no hesitation to confess that I have been a silent onlooker of this physical ,psychological ,and mental carnage . In the process, in most of the lower middle class pandit homes of that time existing on a pittance of monthly salary, the middle aged men and women became prematurely old, the younger ones lost their vivacity of youth and the children their ebbulience of childhood. I have seen and lived through all this.The uppermost priority was to maintain the 'Chach'(in Kashmiri) of the 'khandan',even though the care worn faces would be a dead give -away.
Comes 1950, I join the BE degree civil at Aligarh. The parents had already pegged me for marriage .The ceremony took place at Srinagar in September.This was an occasion for the whole family to meet again.I met PBJ and found her somewhat distracted.We couldn't talk much as for those few days I was kept on leash by my parents. WE wold meet only sometimes during my breaks between an annual examination if they would be on a holiday at Srinagar those days, and later to our respective destinations .
It was near the advent of the year 1953, when I was in my final year at Aligarh, one night at around 0130 hrs, l suddenly woke up feeling woken up by some authoritative voice commanding me to receive my sister at Delhi Rly station as she would be coming alone with a child in her lap. Dreamingly, l fell asleep again just to be shaken awake by the same voice . In a stupor( though fully awake,) I kept my keys with the boarder neighbour , left my hostel, walked nearly 3.5 miles in that winter night and boarded a milk train to old Delhi stn, hurried to platform where morning train from Pathankot called Kashmir mail was to arrive. When the train arrived, She with Neerja in her lap was amazed to see me receiving her. Such agitation of mind is a beacon from the unknown for a normal mind. (Swami Vivekananda in his Rajya yoga says that the astral body has the power of sending thought streams to another when they are in sync. The person whose kundalini has awakened can do it as a routine.)This incident left a lifelong imprint on my impressionable mind still untouched by complexities of life that there is a power behind every living being steering him in this ocean of life.
From Delhi I accompanied them to Burnpur(Asansol) enjoying that long train journey , though standing most of the way for want of a reservation. It was my first visit to a planned colony for residential accommodation exclusively on the basis of hierarchical gradation.Being sunny winter days ,the stay was enjoyable . Mohan Ji was also surprised to see me there as I was not expected and wanted me to stay for sometime but my final exams were a couple of months away . In the interim ,he showed me the factory ,particularly the blast furnace area and the moulding areas . Expecting an 8 hour shift for Labour who face the furnace fire and molten iron at very high temperatures to live a normal healthy life is asking for a mirage. It would leave an indelible effect on the person particularly a career driven one.
My train reservation gave me three day's stay at Burnpur. It was the only time when we spent some private time together and discussed our hopes and dreams . It was that time she used the Kashmiri Pandit quote equating ' aithi voohur bouy ti shyeth varish beni' & I promised her that I would always be available as
a support when required . My best tribute to her personality will be to appreciate that she fought her own life's battles in silence. She kept her tears to herself to give a shining face to the world at large. Likewise she had an uncanny common sense to gauge a person to a T ,& a high stock of worldly wisdom.
As I left Burnpur that day, I had an inkling of cataclysm from role of a kid brother and his kid sister or even a big sister to an elder sister who in her home getting settled in life of hers and the younger brother going back to his own to - begin life. The entire panorama of our respective lives suddenly illumined before me and the ebullience of immaturity just vanished at that particular instant from my intellect and personality .
In the meantime, my field of action was in J&K and was shuttling from place to place till I finally retired. It was only during their holidays to the valley, that we would meet for a short time wherever I was posted except Leh & Kathua. The only time when we would otherwise meet would be on a marriage of our siblings and get updated personally about ourselves first hand. Knowing that I had enough on my hands she was somewhat reticent about hers and l respect her for the sentiment. I respect her for listening to my harangues of advice.So the life carried on.
Those were the days of post & telegraph. Instant wireless , even in its primitive form was excluded from a commoner's reach.
Life passed by. Mohan Ji's passing away suddenly changed her zest of life and she started getting more inward. It was in this phase, that evolved her tremendously in spiritual life and living. Yet she did not become a recluse .She lived in this world ,participated in its structure , had the bounce to come to see her young and old alike, stuck to her daily routine. & yet in our last meeting, her parting embrace conveyed all. I Hail such an antardhyan.
Where,when and whither we meet again and what form. Depends on the will of Param Brahm.
It has been a sad beginning to 2017, when I got the news of sudden end of an era in the family with the fatal heart seizure of Pyari Bahanji. She was a model of fortitude and courage. Being immediately elder to me ,there would be a running turmoil for primacy in favours of goodies from our support structure, particularly from Lala, our grandfather. We would also quarrel ,make up ,quarrel again and make up again as a rebel that I was ,particularly at that age would not like her role fluctuating from a kid sister to big sister (which right fully she was by virtue of being around five years elder to me). But the intensity of filial love was so acute and so perineal that there was that one thought stream between three of us(we two plus Bahangashi) somewhere in our subconscious that we would get a telepathic feeling . I have personally experienced it but is too sacred to make it public.
We shifted to our new house at karannagar in 1937 spring when I was 5 year old. Jigri delivered PJ in August . Dedi had the command of the kitchen ,PBJ would help JiGri to raise the new baby ,his feed & sanitaries . Bahan Gashi was assigned the job of becoming a governess of Jayi saib who even at that age was a stormy petrel. She would feed ,dress, clean me & strictly monitor my pranks.she would recite counting in Kashmiri,then in Urdu & I got my oral count from Bahangashi's recitals. With the advent of autumn , both the sisters starting knitting woolen sweaters,caps,socks, gloves for the entire family with pure wool purchased in bulk from Govt.wool spinning mill,Srinagar. The
Closings of the chinks of the windows in ground floor and the second floor was done with the effort of one and all except dedi & jigri . I am amazed how my two sisters in never ending preoccupation of heavy work schedule would get time for sibling quarrels. One instance , l glaringly remember. There was a Tulsikrit Ramayana in our home from which Bhaigash would recite daily . One day the two sisters wanted to see how things would go with her that day ,so wanted to see the 'Prashan'. In their 'me first' tug of war, they ripped open the book from its seams .They were so scared that to avoid a punishment ,they put the damaged Ramayan in my Lap & shouted at the top of their voice,' haye,haye,jayan ho chotutmet chu Ramayan. I was shell shocked to speak anything and since the goods were found on me, nobody believed me.Later I would always blame them for making me the fall guy. In the winter of 1938, l got chilbanes on two feet and was treated with jenson liquid and sulpha ointment. The two sisters would be nursing me in shifts round the clock and prompted Bhaigash to promise to get me a green phaeton in spring for a ride. Like a simpleton ,I would always ask for the buggy when my pain was gone .I have both of them in their
youthful face vividly before my open eyes and can I ever forget their Love, affection ,and trust & more poignantly the pain in their eyes at my pain.
Comes 1939 and the world war which was not even worth a mention for us being bereft of any news having no access to a radio set or newspaper of the day as the paper when it came by post was just stale news. (It was only in 1954 when we got a Metz radio set.) The search for a groom for bahangashi,who was fourteen,started and after some time , she was engaged to Triakak( Prof. TN Raina) and marriage was solemnised in the late spring of 1940, when the guilder roses in our garden were in full bloom. That day re opened , the factor of the kid sister vs big sister syndrome and it continued to the day of her marriage in 1941 to Mohanji who in B sc final year ! That day I suddenly became the big brother in the family at the age of nine .They left for Burnpur ,Asansol,where Mohanji had joined the then Indian iron & steel industries after a BE.,metallurgy degree from BHU.
Those days a daughter- in - law had to go with an assortment of gifts cash,kind & fruit with chochi (Rotis)etc. A servant would accompany the girl of the family to her in- laws with the gifts.The girls brother or cousin would also go for proper presentations of
the cash and clothes & various fruits,& sweets etc with a note listing and costing with a proper abstract. I remember the delivery of the notes written in Urdu by Bhaigash on every big occasion ,be it a birthday , a religious occasion & to a child's mind,even at the drop of a hat. The list would have specific terms & definitions for each item as per social mores . Since l would feel a tearing rage , l would be seething on my return home . I had to share the custom at a later stage when I was an adult earner without any diffidence so as to shield my parents from any further difficulties.
As a child I was given to understand that it was our social obligation as we were ' kori wale'( ladki wale). In essence , it would indicate periodic goodies were donated for the satisfactory acceptance of the daughter of the house in her own household.The cruelest cut is that the most snide remarks & messages were mostly from the older ladies of the in- laws or their collaterals and even any neighbour . I saw all this first hand as l was not only a messenger boy for my elder two sisters but for my elder cousin Mangala Bamezai also. Being born and growing up in a non-web age, we were with limited horizons of imagination, but we had a greater measure of pure common sense. The basic reason for this belittling of our womenfolk those days was their lack of self support financially and the social stigma of being 'cast off'. These were the times my sisters,my wife,and my cousin Mangla pehnji had to survive & fight through.Nobody ,repeat none, can feel the pain and struggle they have gone through in spite of all the insight we might have.I have no hesitation to confess that I have been a silent onlooker of this physical ,psychological ,and mental carnage . In the process, in most of the lower middle class pandit homes of that time existing on a pittance of monthly salary, the middle aged men and women became prematurely old, the younger ones lost their vivacity of youth and the children their ebbulience of childhood. I have seen and lived through all this.The uppermost priority was to maintain the 'Chach'(in Kashmiri) of the 'khandan',even though the care worn faces would be a dead give -away.
Comes 1950, I join the BE degree civil at Aligarh. The parents had already pegged me for marriage .The ceremony took place at Srinagar in September.This was an occasion for the whole family to meet again.I met PBJ and found her somewhat distracted.We couldn't talk much as for those few days I was kept on leash by my parents. WE wold meet only sometimes during my breaks between an annual examination if they would be on a holiday at Srinagar those days, and later to our respective destinations .
It was near the advent of the year 1953, when I was in my final year at Aligarh, one night at around 0130 hrs, l suddenly woke up feeling woken up by some authoritative voice commanding me to receive my sister at Delhi Rly station as she would be coming alone with a child in her lap. Dreamingly, l fell asleep again just to be shaken awake by the same voice . In a stupor( though fully awake,) I kept my keys with the boarder neighbour , left my hostel, walked nearly 3.5 miles in that winter night and boarded a milk train to old Delhi stn, hurried to platform where morning train from Pathankot called Kashmir mail was to arrive. When the train arrived, She with Neerja in her lap was amazed to see me receiving her. Such agitation of mind is a beacon from the unknown for a normal mind. (Swami Vivekananda in his Rajya yoga says that the astral body has the power of sending thought streams to another when they are in sync. The person whose kundalini has awakened can do it as a routine.)This incident left a lifelong imprint on my impressionable mind still untouched by complexities of life that there is a power behind every living being steering him in this ocean of life.
From Delhi I accompanied them to Burnpur(Asansol) enjoying that long train journey , though standing most of the way for want of a reservation. It was my first visit to a planned colony for residential accommodation exclusively on the basis of hierarchical gradation.Being sunny winter days ,the stay was enjoyable . Mohan Ji was also surprised to see me there as I was not expected and wanted me to stay for sometime but my final exams were a couple of months away . In the interim ,he showed me the factory ,particularly the blast furnace area and the moulding areas . Expecting an 8 hour shift for Labour who face the furnace fire and molten iron at very high temperatures to live a normal healthy life is asking for a mirage. It would leave an indelible effect on the person particularly a career driven one.
My train reservation gave me three day's stay at Burnpur. It was the only time when we spent some private time together and discussed our hopes and dreams . It was that time she used the Kashmiri Pandit quote equating ' aithi voohur bouy ti shyeth varish beni' & I promised her that I would always be available as
a support when required . My best tribute to her personality will be to appreciate that she fought her own life's battles in silence. She kept her tears to herself to give a shining face to the world at large. Likewise she had an uncanny common sense to gauge a person to a T ,& a high stock of worldly wisdom.
As I left Burnpur that day, I had an inkling of cataclysm from role of a kid brother and his kid sister or even a big sister to an elder sister who in her home getting settled in life of hers and the younger brother going back to his own to - begin life. The entire panorama of our respective lives suddenly illumined before me and the ebullience of immaturity just vanished at that particular instant from my intellect and personality .
In the meantime, my field of action was in J&K and was shuttling from place to place till I finally retired. It was only during their holidays to the valley, that we would meet for a short time wherever I was posted except Leh & Kathua. The only time when we would otherwise meet would be on a marriage of our siblings and get updated personally about ourselves first hand. Knowing that I had enough on my hands she was somewhat reticent about hers and l respect her for the sentiment. I respect her for listening to my harangues of advice.So the life carried on.
Those were the days of post & telegraph. Instant wireless , even in its primitive form was excluded from a commoner's reach.
Life passed by. Mohan Ji's passing away suddenly changed her zest of life and she started getting more inward. It was in this phase, that evolved her tremendously in spiritual life and living. Yet she did not become a recluse .She lived in this world ,participated in its structure , had the bounce to come to see her young and old alike, stuck to her daily routine. & yet in our last meeting, her parting embrace conveyed all. I Hail such an antardhyan.
Where,when and whither we meet again and what form. Depends on the will of Param Brahm.
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